Pick-Up Line Workshop:

Alright boys, here’s a little tip on what NOT to say as a pick up line:

GM (gross man): are these totally inappropriate for a 5 year old? (pointing to a pair of “police” hand cuffs for kids).

Me: um… a 5 year old? Probably…

GM: yeah, he’ll probably hand cuff someone and loose the key… *eyebrows like fish hooks staring* but I’ll bet you know all about that don’t you?

Me: (thinking: Huh? I don’t have a 5 year old ki..OH GROSS) *staring at him blankly*: No, I
don’t.

Feeling completely assaulted and 3 showers later, I pondered, is romance DEAD? What happened to concepts like (as intricate and difficult to grasp as it may seem) FLOWERS??? Yes, you know those colorful things on the road? PICK SOME. How is it possible that we came from: “But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun”, to a slimy, “I bet you know all about that don’t you?” WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Read her poetry, giver her flowers, but above all, give her sincerity, let her know that you care and reassure her that her heart will be safe with you for crying out loud. Now go, be fruitful and comply. Thus ends the lesson.